he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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