I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
