wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
