Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
