I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
