I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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