Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
