it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
