Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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