I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
