this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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