I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
