Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
