um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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