Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
