ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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