remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
