I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So much Jack, so little girl.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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