he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you will always have a special place in my vag
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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