My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
