it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize