I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
