Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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