i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
