I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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