i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize