I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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