I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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