Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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