Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You can't motorboat a personality
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
