I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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