her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
