Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
