you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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