I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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