Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
