u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize