I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Couch. On fire.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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