so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
