She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
