You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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