Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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