Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
