we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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