My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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