dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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