hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
