It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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