I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
