Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
