Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
