it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
