oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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