New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
