Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You took a bar mat shot.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
