i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
