the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
