Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
