I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
