sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
