Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
