I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
